We Say 'Set Boundaries' But Managers Who Model After-Hours Availability Get Promoted. Anyone Else See This?

[maya_builds]

Okay, I’m going to be really honest here because I think this is something people don’t talk about enough.

My company has this whole policy about work-life balance. Our CEO gives talks about “sustainable pace.” HR sends out surveys about burnout. We have a Slack channel dedicated to #wellness.

But here’s what I actually observe: The managers who respond to Slack at 11pm, who are “always available,” who schedule early morning and late evening meetings to accommodate different time zones… those are the ones who get promoted.

My Personal Struggle with This

I’m trying to model boundaries. I don’t check Slack after 6pm. I use scheduled send for anything I draft in the evening. I’m explicit with my team: “I’m offline, you should be too.”

But I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry this makes me look “less committed” compared to my peers.

The Startup Damage

At my previous startup (which failed, so maybe I’m not the best role model ), my manager was incredible at his job—strategic, supportive, got the best work out of everyone. But he also replied to Slack at midnight. Every. Single. Night.

He never said we had to be available 24/7. But the implicit message was clear: This is what dedication looks like.

I watched multiple people on our team start burning out. Some left. The ones who stayed started matching his schedule out of fear. Including me.

When I became a design lead at my current company, I promised myself I wouldn’t do that. But then I see the promotion patterns…

The Data vs. The Reality

Research shows that boundary-aware managers actually have more engaged teams. Organizations with top-quartile hybrid leadership (which includes modeling boundaries) see 51% higher engagement.

But that doesn’t show up in promotion cycles. Or if it does, it’s not weighted as heavily as “visible dedication.”

My Question for This Community

Do others see this disconnect? How do you navigate it?

Specifically:

• Do you see boundary-setting penalized (subtly or explicitly) at your companies?
• How do you advocate for boundaries without seeming “not committed”?
• For leaders here: How do you make boundary-setting a strength in your evaluation criteria, not a weakness?

I want to believe that sustainable management is rewarded. But I’m not sure I’m seeing that in practice. Would love to hear others’ experiences—especially if you’ve found ways to make this work.

[eng_director_luis]

Maya, thank you for being so honest about this. You’re seeing something real, and it’s a systemic problem.

I Deliberately Model Boundaries—And Had to Fight for It

As a Latino father leading a 40+ person engineering team, I’m very conscious about modeling boundaries. I use Slack’s schedule send feature religiously. If I draft something at 10pm (because that’s when I have quiet time to think), I schedule it to send at 8am.

Why? Because I know that if my team sees me online late, they’ll feel pressure to be online too—even if I never explicitly ask for it.

The Conversation with My VP

Early in hybrid work, I had an explicit conversation with my VP about this. I said:

“I want to be evaluated on my team’s outcomes—not my Slack response time. I’m going to model healthy boundaries because I believe it leads to better, more sustainable performance. I need to know you support this.”

His response: “Absolutely. Show me the data that it works.”

The Data That Backs This Up

Six months in, I showed him:

• Team engagement scores: 8.2/10 (highest in our division)
• Retention: Zero voluntary attrition on my team (everyone else losing people)
• Delivery: Hit 95% of our committed roadmap
• Team survey: 87% said they felt “supported in maintaining work-life balance”

The data made the case. But I had to proactively make the case—it wouldn’t have happened automatically.

The Systemic Pressure is Real

Even with my VP’s support, I still face subtle pressure from peers who are “always on.” Some of them look at my boundary-setting as “not hustling enough.”

My response: I’m not optimizing for looking busy. I’m optimizing for long-term team performance. Burnout is expensive—in retention, quality, and innovation.

Practical Tactics

• Schedule send is your friend: Draft whenever, send during work hours
• Be explicit with your team: “I’m offline 6pm-8am unless urgent”
• Define ‘urgent’ clearly: In my case, production outage = urgent. Everything else can wait.
• Track engagement and retention: Show that your approach works
• Have the conversation with leadership: Make it explicit, get their support

You’re not wrong to worry about perception. But the answer isn’t to give up boundaries—it’s to make the case that boundaries drive better outcomes.

You’re doing the right thing, Maya. Keep at it.

[cto_michelle]

Maya, you’re shining a light on one of the hardest cultural problems in tech leadership. As a CTO, I have some power to change this—but it’s hard.

I Explicitly Added “Models Healthy Boundaries” to Our Leadership Framework

When we updated our engineering leadership competency framework last year, I made sure “models healthy boundaries and sustainable work practices” was explicitly included.

It’s now part of what we evaluate in promotion decisions. Managers are expected to:

• Not expect responses outside 9-5 unless explicitly urgent
• Use schedule send or similar tools
• Encourage team members to disconnect
• Demonstrate that work quality matters more than hours worked

But Unconscious Bias is Persistent

Even with this in our framework, I still see bias creep in. A manager will say:

“I just feel like Alex is more dedicated because he’s always responsive.”

And I have to push back: “What outcomes has Alex delivered? How’s his team’s engagement? Are we measuring dedication by responsiveness or by results?”

It’s exhausting. Because the bias toward “visible dedication” is deep.

My Rule: No Expectation of Response Outside 9-5

I’ve made this explicit company-wide. Unless something is explicitly urgent (rare), there’s no expectation of response outside working hours.

And I model this myself. I’m a CTO—if I’m online at 10pm, people notice. So I’m not online at 10pm. Full stop.

The Honest Truth: This Requires Executive Buy-In

Maya, you’re asking the right question: How do you make boundary-setting a strength, not a weakness?

The answer is uncomfortable: Individual contributors and mid-level managers can’t fix this alone. It requires executive leadership to explicitly change evaluation criteria and push back on bias.

If your leadership isn’t supporting this, it’s an uphill battle. If they are, you need to make your case with data (like Luis did).

I appreciate you raising this. It’s a conversation more companies need to have.

[product_david]

Maya, I’m going to be honest: I struggle with this personally.

The Anxiety of Not Being “Available”

As a PM working with engineering teams across time zones, I feel constant pressure to be available. Morning standup with the Austin team at 9am. East coast product review at 4pm. The occasional late evening call with a customer or executive.

And if I’m being really honest: I check Slack at 10pm out of anxiety. Not because anyone expects it. But because I worry I’m missing something important.

The Compromise I’m Trying

After Luis mentioned schedule send in his thread, I’m trying it. Last week I:

• Set “office hours” in my calendar: 9am-6pm
• Used schedule send for everything I drafted outside those hours
• Added a line to my Slack status: “Async-first—I’ll respond during my office hours”

Did it work? Partially. I still felt anxious. But my team told me it helped them feel less pressure to respond immediately.

The “Always On” Culture is Self-Perpetuating

Here’s what I’ve realized: Even if no one explicitly expects 24/7 availability, if anyone in the leadership chain models it, it becomes the implicit standard.

My CEO responds to emails at 6am. Our CTO (not Michelle, previous company) was notorious for late-night Slack messages. That set the tone.

Now at my current company, leadership is better about this. But old habits die hard.

What I Appreciate About This Thread

Luis’s point about making the case with data is right. Michelle’s point about executive buy-in is right.

But I also appreciate you being honest about the struggle, Maya. It’s not just “set boundaries and you’ll be fine.” There are real trade-offs and real anxieties.

I don’t have a perfect answer. But I’m trying to get better at this. And conversations like this help.