🧠 The Founder Mental Health Crisis: 72% Suffering in Silence While We Glorify the Hustle

product_david · October 10, 2025, 1:56am

Trigger warning: This post discusses mental health struggles, burnout, and suicide. If you’re in crisis, please call 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).

I just left the “Founder Wellness” session at SF Tech Week and I’m shaken. The numbers are devastating, the stories are heartbreaking, and we’re all pretending everything is fine.

Sessions attended:

“Founder Mental Health: Breaking the Silence” panel
“Beyond the Hustle: Sustainable Startup Culture” workshop
YC Alumni “The Dark Side of Building” roundtable
1-on-1 conversations with 15+ founders at networking events

My context: Serial founder, 2 failed startups, 1 current (struggling), diagnosed with anxiety/depression in 2024

The Numbers That Shocked Me

From SF Tech Week panel - 2025 founder mental health data:

Overall mental health impact:

72% of founders report mental health impact from startup work
54% experienced burnout in last 12 months
46% said mental health has been “bad” or “very bad”
75% experienced anxiety in the past year
83% experience high stress consistently

Only 6% of founders had NO mental health issues in last 12 months.

Let that sink in: 94% of founders are struggling.

Compared to general population:

Entrepreneurs: 50.2% have anxiety
General population: 18.1% have anxiety
Entrepreneurs are 2.8x more likely to have anxiety

Depression:

Entrepreneurs: 2x more likely than general population
Bipolar disorder: 3x more likely
Attempted suicide: 2x more likely

The stat that hit hardest:

Entrepreneurs are 2x more likely to attempt suicide than general population.

The Tragedy Nobody Talks About

From the panel - recent cases in 2025:

April 2025: Jacob Thomas, 23-year-old software engineer in India, died by suicide due to work pressure. His case sparked national conversation about tech burnout.

The panel shared (anonymized) recent founder suicides:

Series A founder, died 3 weeks after difficult board meeting
Solo founder who couldn’t raise, found dead in apartment
Technical co-founder after being pushed out by investors

Panelist (therapist specializing in founders): “I’ve had 3 clients attempt suicide in the past year. All were ‘successful’ founders from outside perspective.”

The room was SILENT.

Nobody wants to talk about this. But it’s happening.

Why Founders Are Suffering (The Real Reasons)

From roundtable discussions - founder perspectives:

Reason 1: The “always on” expectation

Reality of founder life:

Average hours/week: 60-80 (some 100+)
Last real vacation: “Can’t remember”
Weekends off: “What’s a weekend?”
Sleep: 4-6 hours/night typical
Exercise: “I used to…”

Quote from founder: “I feel guilty when I’m not working. Even at my kid’s soccer game, I’m on Slack.”

Reason 2: The loneliness

26.9% of founders struggle with loneliness and isolation.

Why:

Can’t talk to team (you’re the leader, must project confidence)
Can’t talk to co-founder (already stressed)
Can’t talk to investors (they’ll think you’re weak)
Can’t talk to spouse/family (they don’t understand)
Friends from before don’t get it

Quote: “I’m surrounded by people all day and I’ve never felt more alone.”

Reason 3: Financial stress

Reality for most founders:

Taking below-market salary (or none)
Burning personal savings
Can’t afford health insurance
Delaying medical care
Relationship stress from money problems

39% of founders considering quitting in the next year.

Why: Can’t sustain financially or emotionally anymore.

Reason 4: Constant rejection

Fundraising reality:

Average: 50-100 investor pitches
Success rate: 1-3%
That’s 97-99% rejection

Customer acquisition:

Cold emails: 1-2% response rate
Sales calls: Mostly “no”
Product feedback: Often brutal

Hiring:

Candidates decline (choose big tech stability)
Employees leave (better opportunities)

You’re being told “no” constantly. For years.

Reason 5: Imposter syndrome

87.7% of entrepreneurs struggle with at least one mental health issue.

Common thoughts:

“I’m faking it, I don’t know what I’m doing”
“Everyone else seems to have it together”
“I got lucky, I’m not actually good”
“When will they find out I’m a fraud?”

Even “successful” founders feel this.

The Hustle Culture Problem

From “Beyond the Hustle” workshop:

The toxic narrative we celebrate:

“I haven’t slept in 3 days” (badge of honor)
“100-hour weeks” (proof of commitment)
“Sleeping on office floor” (dedication)
“Haven’t seen family in weeks” (sacrifice)
“Mental health is for quitters” (unspoken but implied)

Social media makes it worse:

Founders posting 5am workouts before 18-hour days
LinkedIn humble-brags about grinding
Twitter celebrating “no days off”
Instagram showing the highlight reel only

Nobody posts:

“I cried in my car for 20 minutes today”
“I’m on antidepressants and barely holding on”
“I haven’t hugged my kids in 3 days”
“I think I’m failing and I’m terrified”

The comparison trap kills us.

Workshop leader: “The myth of the ramen-eating, office-floor-sleeping founder needs to die. It’s not inspirational. It’s a mental health crisis waiting to happen.”

What Investors Are (Not) Doing

From panel - data on investor support:

Investor support for founder mental health:

56% of founders receive NO help from investors
3.6% receive “a lot” of help
Most common response: “Investors have never asked about my mental health”

What investors say: “We care about founder well-being”

What founders experience: “They care about growth metrics and nothing else”

Example shared at panel:

Founder: “I told my lead investor I was struggling with burnout.”
Investor response: “That’s tough. Anyway, what are your Q3 numbers looking like?”

The message: Your mental health matters less than your metrics.

YC’s Investor Pledge for Mental Health (mentioned at session):

Kip (YC W16) launched public commitment for investors to promote mental health
Some investors are taking it seriously
Most are not

The “Fake It Till You Make It” Trap

From roundtable - founder confessions:

What founders say publicly:

“We’re crushing it!”
“Best quarter yet!”
“Team is amazing, culture is strong!”
“Scaling rapidly!”

What founders say privately:

“We almost didn’t make payroll”
“I’m one bad month from shutting down”
“Half my team is looking for other jobs”
“I haven’t slept through the night in 6 months”

The gap between public face and private reality is HUGE.

Why we can’t be honest:

Customers will leave (if they think we’re unstable)
Employees will quit (if they sense failure)
Investors will pull out (if they lose confidence)
Competition will attack (if they smell blood)

So we smile and say “everything is great” while dying inside.

My Personal Breaking Point

I’m going to be brutally honest because I think we need more of this:

My journey:

Startup #1 (2019-2021): Failed, lost $200K personal savings
Startup #2 (2021-2023): Failed, lost 2 years and relationships
Startup #3 (2023-present): Struggling, burning out

Rock bottom (March 2024):

Working 90-hour weeks for 8 months
Sleeping 4 hours/night
Gained 40 pounds (stress eating + no exercise)
Stopped seeing friends (too busy)
Relationship strain (partner threatened to leave)
Panic attacks (first one scared me to death)

The moment I broke:

Investor call. They asked about metrics. I started crying. Couldn’t stop. Had to hang up.

Sat in my car in parking garage for 2 hours. Seriously considered driving into a wall.

Called 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). They talked me down.

That was my wake-up call.

What Actually Helped Me

Actions I took (and they worked):

1. Started therapy (Sept 2024)

Found therapist who specializes in founders
Weekly sessions
Cost: $200/week (no insurance, worth every penny)
ROI: Immeasurable (probably saved my life)

2. Medication (Oct 2024)

Started antidepressants after resisting for months
Took 6 weeks to work
Side effects sucked but worth it
Anxiety dropped 70%

3. Set boundaries (Nov 2024)

No work after 7pm (enforced via app blocking)
No work Saturdays (full day off)
No Slack on phone (only desktop)
Email batching 3x/day (not constant checking)

4. Exercise return (Dec 2024)

30 min walk every morning (non-negotiable)
Not optional “if I have time”
Scheduled like a board meeting

5. Founder support group (Jan 2025)

Monthly meetup with 6 other founders
Safe space to be honest
Nobody judging, everyone struggling
Realizing I’m not alone helped immensely

6. Delegated ruthlessly (Feb 2025)

Hired operations lead (took 40% of tasks off my plate)
Expensive but necessary
I was doing $15/hour tasks while being CEO

Result (March-Sept 2025):

Panic attacks: 0 in last 6 months
Sleep: 7 hours/night average
Weight: Lost 25 pounds
Relationship: Improving
Productivity: Actually BETTER despite working less
Company metrics: Growing steadily

I’m not “cured.” But I’m functional and not suicidal.

That’s a win.

The Data on What Actually Works

From workshop - evidence-based interventions:

What helps (proven):

1. Therapy/Coaching

76% of founders who get therapy report improvement
ROI: One board member said “therapy has best ROI of any investment”
Barrier: Cost ($150-300/session), time, stigma

2. Peer support groups

Founders helping founders
Knowing you’re not alone reduces isolation
Examples: YC alumni groups, Founders Forum, local meetups

3. Exercise

30+ min/day reduces anxiety by 40%
Doesn’t have to be intense (walking counts)
Problem: “I don’t have time” (false - you don’t have time NOT to)

4. Sleep

7+ hours/night improves decision-making 60%
Reducing sleep below 6 hours impairs cognition equivalent to being drunk
“Sleep is for the weak” culture is literally making us stupid

5. Medication (when appropriate)

SSRIs effective for 60-70% with anxiety/depression
Not a weakness, it’s treating a medical condition
Many founders resist (stigma) but benefit immensely

6. Time off

Sabbaticals, even short ones (1-2 weeks) restore mental energy
Founders who take time off report higher productivity after
Guilt about “abandoning team” is real but misplaced

What doesn’t help:

“Toughen up” / “grind harder”
Ignoring the problem
Substance abuse (alcohol/drugs common coping mechanism - makes it worse)
Comparison to other founders (everyone’s struggling)

The Systemic Changes We Need

From panel - what needs to change:

1. Investors need to stop rewarding burnout

Current: “We funded the founder who works 100-hour weeks”
Should be: “We funded the founder with sustainable practices”

2. Media needs to stop glorifying hustle porn

Current: “This founder sleeps 4 hours and crushed it!”
Should be: “This founder built sustainable business while maintaining health”

3. Accelerators need mental health support

Current: YC has 3 months of intense pressure, then you’re on your own
Should be: Ongoing mental health resources, therapy access, peer support

Some are doing this (YC Investor Pledge), but not enough.

4. VCs need to ASK about mental health

Current: “What are your metrics?”
Should be: “How are YOU doing? Not the company, YOU.”

5. Founders need to normalize asking for help

Current: Suffering in silence
Should be: “I’m struggling, I need support” (not seen as weakness)

6. Redefine success

Current: Exit for $100M+, work yourself to death
Should be: Build sustainable business, maintain relationships, stay healthy

Resources That Actually Exist (Use Them!)

If you’re struggling RIGHT NOW:

Crisis support:

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988)
Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) helpline

Founder-specific therapy:

Kip Mental Health (YC W16) - specifically for startups
BetterHelp / Talkspace - online therapy (more affordable)
Techstars Entrepreneur’s Toolkit - mental health resources

Peer support:

YC alumni groups (if you’re YC)
Founder forums in your city
Online communities (Reddit r/Entrepreneur, Indie Hackers)

Coaching:

Jerry Colonna (CEO Coach) - recommended by many founders
Reboot.io - CEO coaching focused on mental health

Only 18.5% of founders know about resources tailored for entrepreneurs.

Now you know. Use them.

What I’m Asking the Community

For founders:

Be honest about your struggles (at least with other founders)
Get help before you hit rock bottom (I waited too long)
Set boundaries (your company needs you healthy, not burned out)
Take care of basics (sleep, exercise, therapy)
Ask for help (it’s not weakness, it’s wisdom)

For investors:

Ask about founder well-being (not just metrics)
Support mental health resources (fund therapy, coaching)
Stop rewarding burnout (don’t celebrate 100-hour weeks)
Check in personally (you’re investing in humans, not robots)

For everyone:

Stop glorifying hustle culture (it’s killing people)
Normalize mental health struggles (94% are dealing with something)
Share your struggles (vulnerability helps others feel less alone)
Check on your founder friends (“How are you REALLY doing?”)

The Uncomfortable Truth

Startup culture is breaking people.

We celebrate sacrifice. We worship grind. We glorify hustle.

And founders are dying.

Not metaphorically. Literally dying.

Suicide rates are 2x general population. Anxiety is 2.8x. Burnout is 54%.

We can’t keep doing this.

The question isn’t “How do I work harder?”

The question is “How do I build something meaningful while staying mentally healthy?”

Because if you burn out, quit, or worse - the company dies anyway.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s essential.

My Ask

If you’re a founder and you’re struggling:

Please reach out. To someone. Anyone.

Therapist
Friend
Fellow founder
Crisis line
Me (seriously, DM me)

You’re not alone. 94% of us are struggling.

If you’re thinking about suicide:

Call 988. Text HOME to 741741. Right now. Please.

Your life is worth more than your startup.

If you’re a founder who’s “made it”:

Share your struggles. People need to hear that success doesn’t mean you don’t suffer.

If you’re an investor or advisor:

Ask your founders how they’re really doing. Not the company. Them.

This conversation is uncomfortable. But it’s necessary.

Let’s break the silence.

David

SF Tech Week - Founder Wellness sessions + personal experience

If you or someone you know is in crisis:

Call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline)
Text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line)
Go to your nearest emergency room

Sources:

Sifted European Founder Survey 2025
Entrepreneur Mental Health Statistics (Founder Reports)
Tech Burnout Research 2025
Personal experience and SF Tech Week panels

eng_director_luis · October 10, 2025, 1:56am

@product_david - Thank you for sharing your story. As a manager, I see this from the other side: watching my team burn out and feeling powerless to help.

My situation: Engineering director, 45-person team, watching burnout destroy talented people

The Warning Signs I Missed

Engineer who quit last month (exit interview was brutal):

What I saw:

High performer, always delivered
Responded to Slack quickly
Volunteered for hard projects
Seemed fine in 1-on-1s

What I missed:

Was working until 2am most nights
Stopped taking lunch breaks
Lost 20 pounds (stress, not intentional)
Stopped talking in team meetings
Dark circles, always looked exhausted

Exit interview confession:
“I’ve been having panic attacks for 6 months. I couldn’t sleep. I was having suicidal thoughts. But I thought if I said anything, you’d think I couldn’t handle the job.”

I had NO IDEA.

They were suffering silently while I thought they were thriving.

That’s on me.

The Manager Blind Spots

From SF Tech Week “Managing Team Mental Health” session:

Blind spot 1: “They seem fine”

People are VERY good at hiding struggles:

Smile in meetings
Say “I’m good!” when asked
Keep delivering (until they can’t)
Don’t want to seem weak

Reality: 52% of tech workers experience depression/anxiety, but most hide it.

Blind spot 2: “High performers don’t burn out”

Wrong. High performers burn out FIRST because:

They take on more work
They have higher standards
They don’t say no
They internalize failure

My team’s burnout by performance level:

Top 20% performers: 60% burnout
Middle 60%: 40% burnout
Bottom 20%: 30% burnout

Best people are burning out fastest.

Blind spot 3: “If they needed help, they’d ask”

They won’t ask because:

Don’t want to seem incapable
Fear it will hurt career
Think everyone else is handling it fine
Don’t realize they’re burned out (like frog in boiling water)

You have to proactively offer help, not wait for them to ask.

Blind spot 4: “Work-life balance is their responsibility”

Wrong. If company culture is:

Always-on Slack
Weekend deploys
Praise for working late
Guilt for taking PTO

Then YOU (management) created burnout environment.

Individual responsibility can’t fix systemic problems.

What I’m Changing

Actions I’m taking after losing 3 people to burnout:

1. Real mental health check-ins

Old approach:
“How are you doing?” (In 1-on-1, expecting “fine”)

New approach:
“On a scale of 1-10, how’s your mental health this week? What’s dragging it down? What can I do to help?”

Give permission to be honest. Make it safe.

2. Mandatory time off

Old: “Take PTO if you need it”
New: “You haven’t taken PTO in 6 months. Block out next week. Non-negotiable.”

People won’t take time off unless forced.

I’m forcing them. For their own good.

3. No after-hours Slack

New rule (started last month):

Slack notifications off 6pm-9am
Weekend messages discouraged
Urgent? Call, don’t Slack

Result: People actually disconnecting.

4. Therapy stipend

New benefit (pitched to CEO, approved):

$200/month therapy/coaching stipend
No questions asked
Can use for therapy, gym, massage, whatever helps mental health

Cost: $9,000/month for 45 people
Worth it if it prevents one person from quitting.

5. Leading by example

I now:

Leave at 5:30pm (visibly)
Don’t respond to Slack after 6pm
Take my PTO
Talk openly about my own therapy

If leadership models burnout, team will burn out.

If leadership models balance, team will follow.

The Conversation That Changed Everything

1-on-1 with senior engineer (2 months ago):

Me: “How’s your mental health, 1-10?”
Them: long pause “…4”
Me: “What’s going on?”
Them: starts crying “I’m so tired. I can’t do this anymore. But I can’t afford to quit.”

We talked for an hour. Here’s what I learned:

Working 70-hour weeks for 8 months
Anxiety keeping them up at night
Relationship falling apart
Considering quitting tech entirely
Had been planning to just “push through”

What I did:

Immediate reduction in responsibilities (50% workload cut)
Connected them with EAP (Employee Assistance Program)
Weekly check-ins (not about work, about them)
Gave permission to work 40 hours max
Adjusted performance expectations

Result (2 months later):

Still on team
Mental health improved (6/10 now)
Productivity actually HIGHER (turns out burned-out people are less productive)
Grateful they didn’t have to quit

This person is now my advocate for mental health in the team.

The Team-Wide Changes

What I implemented after SF Tech Week sessions:

1. Monthly team mental health day

One Friday per month:

No meetings
No Slack (emergencies only)
Work on learning, side projects, or just rest
Encouraged to log off early

Team feedback: “Best thing we’ve ever done”

2. Anonymous mental health surveys

Quarterly survey:

“How’s your mental health? 1-10”
“What’s contributing to stress?”
“What would help?”

Aggregate data shows trends. Individual responses private.

Current team average: 6.2/10 (concerning, but up from 4.8 before changes)

3. Mental health training for managers

All managers took 4-hour workshop:

Recognizing burnout signs
How to have mental health conversations
When to escalate to HR/professionals
Creating psychologically safe environment

Cost: $5K total. Worth every penny.

4. Flexible work arrangements

Old: 3 days/week in office (mandated)
New: Results-based (if you deliver, location doesn’t matter)

Some people need office for mental health (social connection).
Some need remote (avoiding commute stress).

Let people choose what works for them.

5. Celebrating rest, not grind

Old recognition: “Shoutout to Alex for pulling an all-nighter to ship feature!”
New recognition: “Shoutout to Sam for managing project efficiently and finishing early!”

Stop celebrating burnout. Start celebrating efficiency.

The ROI of Mental Health Investment

CFO asked: “Is this worth the cost?”

Here’s the business case I made:

Cost of burnout (per person):

Recruiting replacement: $50K
Onboarding time: 3-6 months lost productivity
Knowledge loss: Incalculable
Team morale hit: Real

Cost per burnout departure: ~$150K

Lost 3 people to burnout last year: $450K

Cost of mental health program:

Therapy stipends: $108K/year
Mental health days: $45K/year (lost productivity)
Training: $5K one-time
Total: $158K/year

If we prevent even 2 burnout departures, we’re ROI positive.

We’ve had ZERO burnout departures in 4 months since implementing these changes.

It’s working.

What Other Managers Should Do

From “Managing Team Mental Health” session - best practices:

1. Make it safe to struggle

If people think admitting struggles = career damage, they won’t be honest.

Create safety:

Talk about your own struggles
Don’t penalize people for taking mental health days
Reward people for setting boundaries
Normalize therapy/coaching

2. Watch for signs

Burnout indicators:

Declining quality of work
Missing deadlines (if previously reliable)
Withdrawing from team socially
Irritability, cynicism
Physical changes (weight, appearance)

Don’t wait for them to say something. Ask proactively.

3. Adjust workload, not person

When someone is struggling:

Wrong: “Try to be more resilient”
Right: “Let’s reduce your workload for a month while you recover”

The job is breaking them. Fix the job, not the person.

4. Respect boundaries

If someone says:

“I need to leave at 5pm for mental health”
“I can’t take on more right now”
“I need a week off”

The answer is “yes” not “but we need you.”

You need them healthy more than you need them right now.

5. Model healthy behavior

Your team watches you:

If you work weekends, they feel they should
If you skip lunch, they will
If you never take PTO, they won’t

Be the change you want to see.

The Uncomfortable Conversation with Leadership

What I told CEO and board:

"We have a mental health crisis in our engineering team. 40% are burned out. We’re going to lose people if we don’t change.

I’m implementing mental health programs. They’ll cost $160K/year. But losing people costs more.

I need your support. That means:

Not pressuring me to push team harder
Accepting slower pace if it means sustainable pace
Supporting mental health benefits
Setting better example yourselves"

CEO’s reaction: Defensive at first. “We’re a startup, everyone has to hustle.”

My response: “We can hustle sustainably or we can burn out the team. Pick one.”

They picked sustainable. Reluctantly. But they picked it.

Board approved mental health budget.

For Managers Who Care

If you’re a manager and your team is burning out:

It’s not because they’re weak.
It’s not because they can’t handle it.
It’s because the environment is unsustainable.

Fix the environment, not the people.

And start with yourself:

Set boundaries
Model healthy behavior
Talk about mental health openly
Create psychological safety

Your team is watching you. Show them it’s okay to be human.

To @product_david and others struggling:

Thank you for being vulnerable. It gives others permission to be honest.

You’re not weak. You’re human.

And managers like me need to do better.

Luis

SF Tech Week - “Managing Team Mental Health” session

sales_jenny · October 10, 2025, 1:56am

@product_david @eng_director_luis - Adding the female founder perspective because our mental health challenges are DIFFERENT and often ignored.

My situation: Female founder (one of 2% funded), building consumer health tech startup, mom of 2

The Double Standard Nobody Talks About

From “Women in Tech Leadership” panel at SF Tech Week:

Data that shocked me:

Funding disparity:

All-male teams: 86% of VC funding
Mixed teams: 12% of VC funding
All-female teams: 2% of VC funding

But here’s the mental health connection:

Female founders report:

Higher rates of anxiety: +15% vs male founders
Higher rates of depression: +20% vs male founders
Higher impostor syndrome: +30% vs male founders

Why?

Because we’re fighting a different battle:

Proving ourselves constantly
Being questioned on basics male founders aren’t
Having to be “perfect” to be taken seriously
Carrying additional caregiving responsibilities

The mental load is HEAVIER.

The “Mother Founder” Penalty

My reality as mom + founder:

Daily schedule (typical day):

5:30 AM: Wake up, get kids ready
7:00 AM: Drop off at school
7:30 AM: First investor call (East Coast)
9:00 AM: Team standup
10:00 AM-2:00 PM: Back-to-back meetings
2:30 PM: School pickup
3:00 PM: Kids’ activities while trying to take calls
5:30 PM: Make dinner
6:30 PM: Family time
8:00 PM: Kids to bed
8:30 PM-12:00 AM: Actual work (product, strategy, fundraising prep)

Total: 18.5 hours working + parenting

Sleep: 5.5 hours

This is not sustainable. But it’s my reality.

The questions male founders NEVER get asked:

Investor to me: “How will you manage the company when you have young kids?”
Investor to male founder: Never asked

Investor to me: “What happens if you get pregnant again?”
Investor to male founder: Never asked

Investor to me: “Can you really commit the time needed with family responsibilities?”
Investor to male founder: Never asked

The implication: Motherhood disqualifies you from being a serious founder.

The Competence Assumption Gap

My experience vs. male co-founder (we started together, he left):

In investor meetings when we both were there:

Technical questions directed to him (I’m the technical one)
Business questions directed to him (I built the financial model)
Product questions directed to me (acceptable, I’m CEO)

After he left and I’m solo founder:

Investors: “Do you need help finding a male co-founder?”
Actual question I got: “Who’s really running the technical side?”
Me: “I am. I was a senior engineer at Google for 6 years.”
Response: “Oh! I didn’t realize…”

The assumption: Women can’t be technical.

The mental health impact:

Constant need to prove competence
Exhausting to defend yourself every conversation
Impostor syndrome amplified
Wondering if you’re imagining the bias (you’re not)

The Emotional Labor Tax

From “Women Founders Mental Health” session at SF Tech Week:

Emotional labor women do that men don’t:

1. Managing team dynamics

Playing mediator in conflicts
Being the “mom” of the office (people expect it)
Emotional support for team members
More expected to “care” about people

2. Diversity and inclusion

Being the DEI committee by default
Mentoring other women (unpaid)
Speaking at women-in-tech events (expected to say yes)
Being the representative for “all women”

3. Appearance pressure

Male founder: Hoodie and jeans = “authentic founder”
Female founder: Hoodie and jeans = “unprofessional”
Expected to “look the part” (whatever that means)
Judged on appearance in ways men aren’t

4. Tone policing

Assertive male founder: “Strong leader”
Assertive female founder: “Aggressive” / “Difficult”
Have to modulate tone, word choice, body language
Exhausting to constantly self-monitor

This is mental load men don’t carry.

The Funding Trauma

My fundraising experience (ongoing nightmare):

6 months, 120 investor pitches:

15 second meetings
3 partner meetings
0 term sheets

Feedback (actual quotes):

“We don’t invest in consumer” (they just invested in consumer startup)
“We need to see more traction” (we have $200K MRR)
“The market isn’t big enough” (it’s $50B)
“We don’t think you’re technical enough” (I built the product)
“Come back when you have a CTO” (I AM the CTO)

What male founders with WORSE metrics are raising:

Similar stage, $50K MRR: Raised $3M
Pre-revenue, just idea: Raised $2M
No technical founder: Raised $4M

The pattern is clear. And demoralizing.

The mental health impact:

Every “no” feels personal (is it my gender? my idea? my pitch?)
Constant rejection while watching less-qualified men raise easily
Wondering if you should just give up
Anger (justified) at unfair system
Guilt for being angry (shouldn’t feel this way)

It’s traumatizing.

The Isolation Problem

Why it’s worse for women:

Male founders:

Huge network of other male founders
YC, frat networks, golf buddies, “old boys club”
Easy to find peers

Female founders:

2% of VC-backed founders are women
Hard to find peers who get it
Existing in male-dominated spaces
Often the “only woman in the room”

I went to YC Demo Day afterparty:

200 people
8 women
4% female
Felt completely out of place
Left early

The loneliness is REAL.

What Actually Helps

From “Women Founders Support” session + my experience:

1. Women founder groups

I joined 3:

Female Founder Office Hours (monthly)
Women Who Startup (local chapter)
Private Slack group (100+ female founders)

Result: Finally not alone. People who GET IT.

2. Female therapist who understands founder life

Male therapist didn’t understand gender dynamics.

Female therapist who works with women founders: GAME CHANGER.

She gets:

The funding bias
The competence questioning
The mother guilt
The emotional labor
The imposter syndrome amplified by gender

3. Setting boundaries around “mom guilt”

Old mindset: “I’m failing as a mom because I’m working so much”

New mindset: “I’m building something that will provide for my kids’ future AND showing them women can be founders”

Still hard. But reframing helped.

4. Saying “no” to unpaid emotional labor

I stopped:

Being default DEI committee
Mentoring every woman who asks (I have time for 2-3, not 20)
Speaking at every “women in tech” event
Being the team mediator (hired operations lead for this)

My time is valuable. I can’t fix all of gender inequality myself.

5. Finding male allies

Some male founders/investors actually GET IT:

They call out bias in meetings
They make introductions
They don’t question my competence
They share deal flow

These allies are RARE but VALUABLE.

The Advice Nobody Wants to Hear

From panel - uncomfortable truths:

Reality 1: The funding game is rigged

2% of VC funding goes to women founders. This is not because we’re worse founders. The system is biased.

Options:

Fight the system (exhausting, likely to fail)
Work within it (play the game better)
Find alternative funding (revenue-based, angels, grants)
Bootstrap (no funding bias if no funding needed)

I chose: Alternative funding + revenue focus

Result: Still hard, but less traumatic than VC fundraising.

Reality 2: You’ll be questioned more than men

Accept this: You’ll have to prove yourself 3x as much.

Don’t: Internalize it as “I’m not good enough”

Do: Overprepare, have data ready, know your stuff cold

Reality 3: Work-life balance as mom founder is a myth

There is no balance. There’s only trade-offs.

Some days: Great mom, mediocre founder
Some days: Great founder, mediocre mom
Most days: Mediocre at both, exhausted

That’s okay. You’re human.

Reality 4: Imposter syndrome won’t go away

Even successful women founders feel it.

The answer isn’t “fix your confidence.”

The answer is: “Feel it and do it anyway.”

For Other Female Founders

If you’re a woman building a startup:

1. Find your people

Join female founder groups
You need peers who understand
The isolation will kill you otherwise

2. Get a therapist who understands gender bias

Male therapists often don’t get it
Female therapists who work with women in male-dominated fields: GOLD

3. Set boundaries

You can’t fix all of tech’s gender problems
Say no to unpaid emotional labor
Your time is valuable

4. Document the bias

Write down the sexist comments
Track the different treatment
When you think “am I imagining this?” - you’re not
The data helps you stay sane

5. Reframe “mom guilt”

You’re not failing your kids
You’re showing them what’s possible
They’ll remember you built something, not that you missed some soccer games

6. Consider alternative funding

VC is only one path
Revenue-based, grants, angels, bootstrapping
Find the path that’s less traumatic for you

7. Celebrate small wins

You’re doing something only 2% of founders are
That’s incredible
Give yourself credit

The Systemic Changes We Need

What investors/VCs need to do:

1. Actually fund women (not just talk about it)

2% is embarrassing
Set real targets (20% of portfolio women-led)
Hold yourselves accountable

2. Have women partners (not just associates)

Women VCs fund more women founders (data proves this)
If your partnership is all-male in 2025, that’s a choice

3. Stop asking mothers about childcare

You don’t ask fathers
Don’t ask mothers
It’s sexist and probably illegal

4. Examine your bias

Why do you ask technical questions to male co-founder when woman is CTO?
Why do you doubt women’s traction more?
Why do you require higher bar for women?

What male founders can do:

1. Call out bias when you see it

If investor directs tech question to you when female co-founder is technical lead, redirect
If someone makes sexist comment, speak up
Use your privilege to create space for women

2. Make introductions

If you have access to investors, share it
Women founders get fewer warm intros (network effects)
You can fix this

3. Don’t be part of the problem

Don’t ask mothers about childcare
Don’t assume women aren’t technical
Don’t tone-police women leaders

My Reality Check

@product_david talked about hitting rock bottom.

Mine was 3 months ago:

Failed fundraise (9 months, 0 term sheets)
Burning personal savings ($80K in)
Kids asking “why are you always working?”
Husband asking “when will this be over?”
Therapist asking “is this worth it?”

I sat in my car and screamed.

Then I called my female founder friend group.

They talked me off the ledge:

“You’re not failing, the system is failing you”
“Your idea is good, investors are biased”
“We’ve all been there”
“You’re not alone”

That saved me.

Now I’m:

Pivoting to revenue-based financing
Growing via organic revenue (20% MoM)
Working 60 hours/week (down from 90)
Seeing kids more
In therapy weekly
Still exhausted but functional

Not thriving. Surviving.

But surviving is winning when you’re a woman founder.

Jenny

SF Tech Week - Women in Tech Leadership panels

Sources:

Female founder funding statistics
Women’s mental health research
Personal experience
Female Founder Office Hours community data

product_david · October 10, 2025, 1:56am

@eng_director_luis @sales_jenny - This thread is the most important conversation we’ve had at SF Tech Week. Thank you both for the vulnerability.

What I’m Learning

Before this thread:
I thought my mental health struggles were personal weakness.

After this thread:
I realize it’s a SYSTEMIC problem affecting 94% of founders, amplified for women, and enabled by toxic culture we all perpetuate.

This isn’t a bug. It’s a feature of how we’ve built startup culture.

The Pattern I’m Seeing

From all our perspectives:

Founder struggles (me):

72% mental health impact
Constant rejection
Financial stress
Isolation
Imposter syndrome

Team burnout (Luis):

High performers burning out first
Suffering in silence
Missing warning signs
Systemic pressure

Gender amplification (Jenny):

2% funding for women founders
Additional bias and questioning
Mother penalty
Emotional labor tax

The common thread: We’ve built a system that breaks people.

And we celebrate it as “hustle culture.”

The Breakthrough Realization

@sales_jenny said something profound:

“Surviving is winning when you’re a woman founder.”

This hit me hard.

We’ve normalized a system where:

Survival = success
Not quitting = winning
Still being alive = achievement

This is INSANE.

Imagine any other industry:

“Survived another year as a teacher!”
“Made it through without dying as an accountant!”
“Still alive after 5 years of medicine!”

We’d recognize this as dysfunctional.

But in startups, we celebrate it.

What Needs to Change (Synthesis)

From all three perspectives, here’s what MUST change:

Individual level (founders):

Get therapy (not optional, essential)
Set boundaries (work-life integration, not always-on)
Ask for help (vulnerability is strength)
Join peer support groups (you need community)
Prioritize health (sleep, exercise, medication if needed)

Team level (managers like Luis):

Proactive mental health check-ins
Therapy stipends and mental health benefits
Mandatory time off
Model healthy behavior
Create psychological safety

Systemic level (investors, culture, media):

Stop rewarding burnout
Fund women founders (actually, not performatively)
Ask about well-being, not just metrics
Normalize mental health struggles
Redefine success (sustainable business, not just exit)

Cultural level (all of us):

Stop glorifying hustle porn
Share struggles openly
Support each other
Call out toxic behavior
Change the narrative

My Commitments

What I’m committing to:

Personal:

Continue therapy weekly (non-negotiable)
Maintain boundaries (no work after 7pm)
Share struggles publicly (like this thread)
Support other founders (pay it forward)

Community:

Start local founder mental health support group
Share resources broadly
Call out hustle culture when I see it
Be honest about struggles, not just wins

Company:

Implement team mental health benefits
Model healthy behavior for team
Prioritize sustainable growth over hypergrowth
Measure success by well-being, not just metrics

For Everyone Reading This

If you’re struggling:

You’re not alone. 94% of founders are.

It’s not your fault. The system is broken.

Please get help:

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Therapy (worth every penny)
Peer support groups
Talk to someone

If you’re a manager:

Your team is watching you.

Model health. Create safety. Ask proactively.

@eng_director_luis showed what good management looks like.

If you’re a woman founder:

@sales_jenny, you’re a hero for sharing this.

The bias is real. The struggle is amplified. You’re not imagining it.

Find your people. Set boundaries. Keep going.

If you’re an investor:

You have power to change this.

Fund women. Support mental health. Stop rewarding burnout.

Ask “how are YOU doing?” not just “what are your numbers?”

The Question That Changed My Perspective

From the panel: “Would you recommend this to your kids?”

Honest answer: NO.

I wouldn’t want my kids to:

Work 90-hour weeks
Sacrifice relationships
Struggle with anxiety/depression
Face constant rejection
Consider suicide because of work stress

So why am I doing it?

That question forced me to reevaluate everything.

New answer:

I would recommend building something meaningful, with healthy boundaries, sustainable pace, supportive community, and measuring success by well-being not just exits.

THAT I’d recommend.

But current startup culture? No.

The Path Forward

This thread has shown me:

1. We all struggle (94% of founders)

2. We hide it (toxic culture punishes vulnerability)

3. It’s worse for women (systemic bias + additional burden)

4. Managers can help (if they prioritize mental health)

5. We can change this (if we’re willing to be honest)

The first step is breaking the silence.

This thread is that step.

Thank you @eng_director_luis for showing what supportive management looks like.

Thank you @sales_jenny for sharing the female founder perspective that’s often ignored.

Thank you everyone who reads this and realizes: “I’m not alone.”

Resources (Consolidated)

If you’re in crisis RIGHT NOW:

Call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline)
Text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line)
Go to nearest emergency room

Therapy resources:

Kip Mental Health (founder-focused)
BetterHelp / Talkspace (affordable online)
Psychology Today (find therapist)

Founder peer support:

Female Founder Office Hours (for women)
YC founder forums (if you’re YC)
Local founder meetups
Reddit r/Entrepreneur

Coaching:

Jerry Colonna / Reboot.io
Techstars Entrepreneur’s Toolkit

For managers:

Mental health training programs
EAP (Employee Assistance Programs)

The Meta Point

This entire SF Tech Week:

We talked about:

AI (exciting but overhyped)
Quantum computing (decades away)
Fundraising (hard market)
Remote work (ongoing debate)

But this conversation - founder mental health - might be the most important.

Because:

All the technology means nothing if the people building it are dying inside.

All the funding means nothing if founders are too burned out to use it.

All the growth means nothing if it comes at the cost of our humanity.

Let’s build sustainable startups, not just fast ones.

Let’s celebrate healthy founders, not just grinding ones.

Let’s measure success by well-being, not just exits.

This is the conversation startup culture needs.

Thank you for being part of it.

David

SF Tech Week - final reflections

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call 988 or text HOME to 741741.