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Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

· 2 min read

Why Practice Nonviolent Communication?​

Improve communication quality by ==valuing everyone's needs==. ==Doubt and violence are manifestations of unmet needs==.

What NVC Is Not​

  • It is not about appearing friendly.
  • It is not about getting others to do what we want; it concerns mutual understanding between people.

Ways to Strengthen Connections and Understanding Between People​

  1. Express our feelings and needs vulnerably
    • Recognize ongoing feelings and needs
    • Expose the vulnerability of feelings and needs
  2. Actively listen to the feelings and needs of others
    • The core of empathetic listening: presence, focus, space, and care, ==along with verbal expression of feelings and needs==
    • Do not give advice, make judgments, comfort, tell stories, sympathize, analyze, or explain, ...
    • Regardless of what is said, the key is to listen to the other person's feelings, needs, opinions, and requests

For example: ==Because you need... so you feel...?==

Engaging in These Behaviors Can Lead to Distance Between Us​

  • Evaluating others, making judgments, labeling, analyzing, criticizing, comparing, etc.
  • Worth considering (i.e., certain behaviors deserve punishment or reward)
    • Demands (not accepting others' choices; wanting to punish those who do not act according to one's own ideas)
    • Refusing to choose or take responsibility (keywords: have to, should have, guess they will, they made me do it, etc.)

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

· One min read

Why Nonviolent Communication?​

To improve communication quality by ==valuing everyone's needs==. ==Judgments and violence are tragic expressions of unmet needs.==

What NVC is not​

  • NOT about being nice.
  • NOT about making them to do what we want. It's about mutual understanding.

Ways to enhance connection & understanding:​

  1. vulnerably express our feelings & needs
    • consciousness of the ongoing feelings & needs
    • vulnerability of exposing feelings & needs
  2. emphatically listen to the feelings & needs of the other.
    • Qualities of empathic listening: presence, focus, space, caring, ==verbal reflection of feelings & needs==
    • NOT advising, fixing, consoling, story-telling, sympathizing, analyzing, explaining, …
    • No matter what is said, hear only feelings, needs, observations & requests

e.g. ==Are you feeling … because you need …?==

Ways to alienate us from one another​

  • Diagnoses, judgments, labels, analysis, criticism, comparisons, etc.
  • Deserve thinking (i.e. that certain behaviors merit punishment or rewards)
    • Demands (denial of other person’s choice; intention to punish those who don’t do it)
    • Denial of choice or responsibility (had to, should, supposed to, they made me do it, etc.)

About Tian Pan

Driven technology architect and entrepreneur with deep expertise in building highly-scalable, enterprise-grade SaaS applications. Full-stack specialist with a strong focus on designing flexible, scalable solutions that meet complex, evolving demands.

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